The Most Important Things I've Learned About Step Parenting

Your step kids won't appreciate all your efforts until they are grown and out on their own. No kid appreciates what their parents have done until their grown and sometimes not even then. The reason we accept it from our biological kids is because we KNOW they love us, where as with step kids we don't have that automatic bond.

Don't expect to be appreciated. If you signed up to be a stepparent so they would erect a statue in your honor you’re doing it for the wrong reason. If you’re doing it to make a better life for child/children, you’re on the right track. Everyone says it’s a thankless job because it is!

You can't change the ex! You can only change the way you deal with her. Be supportive of your husband and remember he's probable just as frustrated with her.

You do have the right to set rules and expectations for the kids. Rules and expectations are a part of life; they teach kids how to grow up to be successful adults and how to function in society.
The only thing you can do and the only thing that is expected of you is to be a good stepmom. Love your step kids as much as possible and never feel guilty if that it’s not enough. You may never love then as your own, but the love that you give can still be enough.