I fear that he’s only with me because I’m a good influence on the kids, I’m really domestic, and I have big boobs. Not because I’m fun and exciting, smart, a great conversationalist, looks forward to my beautiful smile, could stare into my eyes all night long…
I fear one day he will decide to get back with his ex because she is the mother of his children; even though he often tells me how much happier and better off he and the kids are with me.
I fear he’ll wake up, roll over and realize that I’m not as smart, as good looking or as good as him; that I don’t deserve him and then he’ll leave.
I fear that he secretly doesn’t like my kid; even though he goes out of his way to spend time with him and make him a part of every aspect of our life.
I fear that the skeletons in my closet reflect who I am and not the mistakes I’ve made, because if it is who I am then sometimes I don’t like me.
I fear that I’m not a good enough role model for the kids and wonder what right to I have trying to play the part; even though everyone tells me what positive changes they’ve seen in the kids since I’ve been around.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I have felt this way many a time. And some days there is just no way I can talk myself down from it - even though I know these are crazy-making thoughts. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we do this to ourselves? Every time you have one of these thoughts try and counteract it with the justifications that you've used above. xxxx
ReplyDeleteI think we all have moments of self doubt, but try to stay positive. Kids can smell fear.
ReplyDeleteI like your blog :)
You have spoken true of every Step Mother's fears. You are not alone.
ReplyDelete