Yesterday I tried water skiing for the first time. I loved it! I won’t say it was easy because I know it’s not but I can say it’s not as hard as I thought. I got up on my 2nd try, which I’ve heard is not completely normal. It takes balance, coordination, and patience, all of which I’m lacking. So for me getting up at all is one of the great mysteries of the world. Like how did the pyramids get built? Or how did my ass defy gravity to slide ungracefully atop water? I am clumsy to say the least and have been known to fall down simply when walking around. So needless to say I felt pretty good about it.
What they don’t tell you…
I got lots of advice on how to ski, but here’s what no one told me. Warning this next passage includes vulgar language and graphic descriptions :)
Wear shorts that fit comfortable. If you’re in a bikini and fall forward your suit will be ripped from your body and everyone on the boat will see your bare ass!
If you fall backwards the force of the water will cause your swimsuit bottoms to cut you in half. I have rope burns in my crack!
When you fall backwards if your suit slides off or over you will get an enima. I have been shitting river water all afternoon!
Something else they don’t tell you is what happens to the skis when you fall. The first time I fell the force of the water ripped them off my feet. I wasn’t expecting this; my first reaction was “now I look like a dumb ass and I lost their skis”, but guess what they float! Now I get to figure out how to put them on while floating. The second time I fell one of the skis had its revenge by bitch slapping me in the back of the head. Yes it was still attached to my foot and no I don’t normally bend that way.
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Ha haaaaaa, hysterical! Oh poor you - rope burns in ya crack doesn't sound good!
ReplyDeleteGood for you though - soon you'll be doing tricks on one foot and going backwards and jumps and stuff!!!
x
That sounds so fun!!! I've always wanted to water ski. Thanks for your tips...they'll surely save me from embarrassment when I finally get to go.
ReplyDeleteHooray for summer fun!
HAHAHA!!! :-) That's an AWESOME post! :-) I'm still smiling... thank you! :-) I've totally... how did you put it... shit river water for a day before too. No one told me about that. :-) Plus, it's not only embarrassing, but totally NOT comfortable for the next couple days! Good luck. Congrats on getting up the second time... you're on your way to the pros! :-)
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